Cultivating Self-Love: Honoring Your Needs Before Giving to Others
- Deirdre Finn
- Feb 14
- 4 min read
Cultivating Self-Love: Honoring Your Needs Before Giving to Others
Valentine’s Day is often a time when love is celebrated in the form of giving gifts, affection, time, and energy. But how often do we pause to consider the love we give to ourselves? As women, many of us have been conditioned from a young age to prioritize the needs of others over our own. We say yes without thinking, we care for others before attending to ourselves, and we push through exhaustion because we feel it’s expected of us.
But what if we did things differently? What if we paused before automatically agreeing to something? What if, instead of immediately giving our time and energy, we first checked in with ourselves?
The Power of the Pause
When someone asks something of you whether it’s a favor, a conversation, or your presence
-do you take a moment to consider whether you have the capacity to truly give?
Or do you reflexively say yes, even when it depletes you?
A simple shift in habit can create profound change: instead of answering immediately, take a breath and say, “Let me get back to you.” This gives you the space to reflect on where you are mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Ask yourself:
• How am I feeling right now?
• What are my responsibilities today?
• Do I have the energy to give without draining myself?
If you’re in a good place - feeling balanced, well-rested, and able, then giving to another might feel natural and fulfilling. But if you’re already stretched thin, then honoring your needs first is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Setting Boundaries is an Act of Love
By choosing when and how we give, we are not only respecting ourselves but also our relationships. When we engage with others from a place of exhaustion, we can’t be fully present. We may listen, but we’re distracted. We may help, but we’re resentful. True generosity comes from a full cup, not from an obligation that drains us.
Setting boundaries is not about shutting others out. It’s about ensuring that when we do show up, we do so fully, with love and presence. When we uphold our own limits, we teach others to respect them too.
Self-Love in Action
Cultivating self-love isn’t just a concept, it’s a practice. It’s about tuning in and asking: What do I need right now? The answer will be different each time. It might be:
• A long bath to unwind.
• Time alone to reflect and recharge.
• A walk in nature to clear your mind.
• Journaling to process emotions.
• Meeting with a friend for support and laughter.
• Completing a task that’s been weighing on you.
• Booking a soothing Massage or Treatment
The key is to notice your needs and honor them. When you do, you replenish your energy and show up in the world as your best, most vibrant self.
Letting Go of Guilt
Many of us struggle with guilt when we prioritize ourselves. But consider this: on an airplane, we’re instructed to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting others. Why? Because if we’re depleted, we can’t effectively help anyone else.
It’s the same in life. When we nourish ourselves first, we have more to give- not from a place of obligation, but from a place of true generosity. When we care for ourselves, we’re more patient, present, and loving, not just with ourselves, but with everyone around us.
So this Valentine’s Day, as love is celebrated externally, take a moment to turn inward. Notice your patterns, question your automatic responses, and choose love for yourself first. Because when you are full, love flows effortlessly to others.
How will you show yourself love today?
This Valentine’s weekend, I invite you to take time to nourish your heart and cultivate the love within.
This month’s Red Tent Gathering is all about cultivating love within and nourishing your heart. The Red Tent is a sacred space for restoration, connection, healing, and transformation - a place where your heart can rest, heal, and flourish.
Together, we will reconnect with love in its purest form, embracing the beauty and wisdom that already exists within. Through a heart-opening cacao ceremony, we will soften into self-love, allowing cacao to guide us into deeper connection with our hearts. A healing Aphrodite meditation will help you awaken and embrace the divine feminine within, bringing balance, love, and acceptance to yourself. Thoughtfully designed journaling prompts will invite deeper self-reflection, while our sharing circle offers a safe and supportive space to be seen, heard, and held without judgment. We will also explore the art of self-care, learning to nourish ourselves with simple, natural beauty rituals.
Give yourself this gift of love, presence, and connection. Open your heart to the transformative power of love.
Sunday, February 16th | 2:00 - “
4:30 PM
Learn more or reserve your space:
Or treat yourself with kindness to nurture your body and senses with a beautiful massage, aromatherapy, or reflexology session. Allow yourself to unwind, restore, and be deeply cared for, bringing balance to both body and mind.
With love and devotion,
Deirdre Devatara Finn
Certified Women’s Red Tent Facilitator | Certified Cacao Ceremony Facilitator
Phone: 086 848 3745
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